Video games. Screamo music. Talking over other people. Waiting. Spending money. Winter. Gossip. Being ignored. Not knowing the right words to a song. Forgetting things. People who laugh at something no one else can see/hear. Liars. Backstabbers. Fakes. Being thirsty. Bad breath.

I'm not perfect, but I'll keep trying.. Cause that's what I said I would do from the start.


i love :

-the tickle of anticipation i get right underneath my tongue just before i eat a pickle.

-the silence and reverence during the passing of the sacrament in ysa.

-purple mr. sketch markers.

-the satisfaction of getting a piece of stubborn food out of my teeth.


-when my cell phone battery is at 100%.

-catching myself when i'm smiling like a maniac for an inexplicable reason.

-secret messages.

-replacing a full trash bag with an empty one.


-how funny my brothers think they are.

-trying to break carter's bad/annoying habits.

-going to bed early.

-warm feet.

-g.s. lakie cheerleaders.

-rhs vs. chs basketball games.



01/28/11=(NM+CP)^7. Impressive math skills, huh? :) Celebratory measures? Swimming (in the kiddie pool virtually the entire time..), eating mini cupcakes (provided by Jen. They were delicious, by the way!), going to see Yogi Bear (in 3D!), miniature golfing (which I got totally wasted at..), going to see The Tourist (really good.. But I totally predicted the end!), and as I'm typing this... Carter is drawing on my little brother's face cause he fell asleep in the living room.

He's definitely my best friend in the whole wide universe! :) He's such an incredible guy! Woohoo! I'm SOO lucky!!

turns out he didn't know there was a photo being taken.. i still love this one anyway!


I had the best day..

I believe..

Every girl deserves to be told they're beautiful.
Every girl has the right to fall in and out of love as many times as she pleases.
Every girl is automatically granted a couple days of bitching per month.
Every girl needs to experience a pedicure.
Every girl has to own a pair of fluffy, soft, warm socks.
Every girl needs a best girlfriend.
Every girl can claim chocolate to be guilt-free at least once a week.
Every girl should find a guy she can cry to about anything, anytime of the day.
Every girl needs to sing karaoke.
Every girl should pamper herself with alone time, including (but not limited to) a chick flick, a bubble bath, a gossip magazine, and a self given makeover.

"I enjoy being a girl!"


Today, I really really really want a piece of cake.. Mmm.


Yuh - Huh!

Lucky #7 is happening this week.

On Friday, to be exact.

Our last date night. :) BP's and mini golfing.

I can't even believe it!

Also 'anniversaring' soon? The first time me & C hung out, a year ago (truly the start of something new!) and this is the week that I a) took my first series of diplomas and b) went on my first roadtrip!  Hmm. What else..
Here's our roadtrip! Super fun!

Well, February is always kind of a big month.. This February is 8 years since our house fire,

This amazing drawing is by Roxanne Karnas!

 2 years since I got my very first vehicle, and 3 years since I was diagnosed with diabetes. It is also the month of "Singles Awareness Day", which I will not be celebrating this year, for the first time ever! ;)

Did I mention that today I sold my soul to the life of a thespian until April 2? But I'm kind of excited. It means basically that I'm going to be exhausted, malnourished, probably come down with some sort of laryngitis (with my luck..) and spend next to zero time with Carter. :( Bummer. We're doing "Annie, Get Your Gun",

 which features songs such as "Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better)" and "No Business Like Show Business". As soon as I find out when tickets go on sale I'll let you all know!! In the meantime, however, expect pictures and quotes and updates as to the process of production. I haven't been in a play since HSM in grade 9!

The whole cast. We love each other.


Check out this little number.. :)


I'm honored. :)

Well, it's time to wake Mr. Carter up.. Y'all have a good Monday now, ya hear??


Emotions Running High.

I'm a pretty emotionally strong person. Especially for a teenaged, newly graduated female with a million and a half decisions to make. I don't get really angry very often, and I'm fairly lighthearted when it comes to controversial subjects. I tend to save my emotions for when I'm alone in my bed. Very few people have seen me cry (over something personal. Not counting at funerals or when I've felt the spirit.). The first time I cried in public was the 2009 seminary graduation, when Jessica told me she was moving to Utah in two months. Everyone saw me sobbing that time! Lol. Jessica has seen me cry a million times! And I think Mitch probably saw me cry once or twice too. David saw me sobbing the night before he left on his mission.. He came to hug me before he was set apart, and I lost all dignity. My mom, obviously, has seen me cry. But now, I've found myself an emotional support. A shoulder to cry on. Arms to hold me. And most importantly, someone who can make me laugh and forget why I was crying. Take a guess as to who it is. If you guessed 'Carter'.. You're right! Earlier this week I was just having a really rough day, and I finally decided that I trusted him enough to not turn me away when I get emotionally. He held me and let me cry for like two hours. And by the end of the two hours I was laughing. And the best part? We're still dating. :) He's honestly the best. The very, very best.


Awkward/Awesome. :)

- Shaving Carter's head for the first time. It was brutal.
- Making eye contact with the guy in the massive truck that was stuck in the same snowbank that I was able to plow through in my little Neon.. Yay for Betty!!
- Getting jello down my shirt. And I wasn't even responsible for that!
- Wet pant-legs. :(
- While dropping Madi off at school, my ex-boyfriend(who is currently on a mission)'s niece ran up to me and gave me a huge hug. Her mom just stared me down, cause she had no idea who I was.
- Trying to make my wind blown hair look sexy. Result? A complete disaster. That's what.
- Saying goodbye in front of his mama..
- Not remembering ANYTHING from the weekend that I got my wisdom teeth out.. I'm kind of embarrassed about some of the things I do. And I mostly hope that Carter is just making some of this up.
- New sweatpants!
- Sleeping in.
- Long socks that stay on my feet when I take my winter boots off.
- Having an excuse for terrible hair. (Read: wind.)
- Quiet time.
- Kraft Dinner. Mm mm mm. And apple juice.
- Subway with bf. He hates when I pay. :)
- Cake Boss: The Next Great Baker.
- Jersey Shore, guidos!
- The guy I saw pushing his bike down 43rd Street in the blowing snow.. Wearing biker shorts.. Ooh lala!
- Teen Mom 2. Janelle sucks.
- iPhone/Pod apps!
- My employer! She let me go home an hour early today, and I get an extra hour of sleep because she's worried about me driving home!
Awkward? : This was basically the result of me trying to make wind blown hair look sexy. :(

Awesome? : This picture. :)
Although, this could also be classified as Awkward. Definitely.

Windy Thursday.

Nicole + sun = :D

Nicole + wind + sun = :)

Nicole + rain = :)

Nicole + wind + rain = :/

Nicole + snow = :/

Nicole + wind + snow = :(

Nicole + mornings + wind + snow = :'(


I don't even care that the temperature is only -5°.. I'd rather have it totally calm and -25°! Call me crazy.


Anyone Else But You..

Juhee gets full credit again. :)

iPod on shuffle..
First thoughts.

1. Baby, It's Fact - Hellogoodbye
Sydnee was looking for a song that she could call 'their' song. We were on my computer, listening to songs that had tons of plays on our iTunes, and this was one of them. She listened to it, read the lyrics, listened to it again, listened to different recordings and covers of it.. Then decided that this was definitely 'their' song. He asked me why she said it, and I couldn't even tell him. I had no idea. But now, whenever I hear it, I think of 'them' and the amazing memories!

2. Vegas - Bianca
ME AND KIMBER! We were driving somewhere.. In her ancient red van.. And this song came on and we loved it.. And for the next like 2 years we kept trying to remember the song or the words or the tune or anything. Then I was in my room and it came on the radio and I called the station and begged them to tell me the name and the artist. I called Kimber immediately after and we both downloaded it. I don't know why we were so obsessed.. It's not even that catchy!

3. Forever & Always - Taylor Swift
TSwift almost always reminds me of Hannah Gibb. This particular song? I was at her house and we played it on the piano together, and screamed the words at the top of our lungs!

4. Cooler Than Me - Mike Posner
Myriam. :) Need I say more? She's hands down cooler than me!

5. Stuck On You - Sugarland
Mason + Shayla  Kayla.. Nicole + Carter.. This is our couple song.

6. Hey Jude - The Beatles
Show Choir Trip 2009. Hawaii. Bus rides around the island of Oahu. Singing Beatles at the top of our lungs. In the humid air. Oh, the sincere joy we felt.

7. Down - Jay Sean
Holly Drew. :) She was dating Michael one time, and this was his favorite song. So naturally, if it came on the radio - which it tended to.. a lot - we would call him and sing it to him, then hang up before he could say anything. One time we even made a video. http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=386917710416

8. Fight Like A Girl - Bombshel
Jessica sent me the link to this song.. And I think it perfectly describes any adolescent girl's life. It's so hard to be a girl. There are so many mean girls, and boys, and it's so hard to just be yourself and learn to accept who you are!

9. California Girls - Katy Perry
Utah. Kaiti. Emily. They love this song. They say it describes them. Which is odd. Because they live in Utah, not California. But you know what? That's okay! :) Carter loves this song too. I keep telling him I'm Canadian, not Californian..

10. Sadie Hawkins Dance - Relient K
Grade 9.. Marshall and Adrian and Ethan and Dahlin were obsessed with this song. And 'Will You Go To Prom With Me' by Hellogoodbye. We used to sing it all the time. Then we kind of just forgot about this song.. Until we heard that there was a Sadies! One time I even asked Ethan to a Sadie Hawkins!!

11. Tokyo Drift - Teriyaki Boys
After an LCI game in grade 12 - I think - I went cruising with Sydnee and Lacey and Kelsey and Kaitlyn.. And we rocked out to this song. 

12. Bust A Move - Young MC
Meagan. :) We know almost all the words!

13. Over It - Katharine McPhee
Boys sucked in grade 9, and me and Sydnee knew it. I distinctly remember walking down my back alley with headphones in, screaming the words to this song. The problem was, I wasn't over it. I told her that I would sing it to her when I really was over it. And eventually I got over it! :) She is such a good friend.

14. The Best Damn Thing - Avril Lavigne
I was driving with Brad - my first real boyfriend - and this song came on the radio and I bet him like $10 that it was Avril Lavigne. He said Fefe Dobson or something dumb. Needless to say, I trashed him bad.

15. Sunburn - Owl City
I first heard this song right before me and my mom went to Hawaii in 2010.. So I always thought of this the whole time we were there. 'She got a tan, and I gotta sunburn.' And that is how it was. 

16. See You Again - Miley Cyrus
Europe trip 2008. Everyone hated this song.. Except Payton Dudley. It was his ringtone, his alarm, his alerts.. Everything.

17. Candyman - Aqua
Madi knows every single word of this song. 

18. American Honey - Lady Antebellum
The first time I ever used Shazaam to prove Carter wrong.

19. I Wanna Talk About Me - Toby Keith
Once, I went to a Toby Keith concert with my parents. I was probably like 12. The couple in front of us got totally smashed, so we stole some front row seats. No one else was sitting there! And now me and Carter pretend to hate Toby Keith because he's SO over played. But secretly we both love him, and this song.

20. Love - Matt White
She's The Man, Maddie Graham, real life. :)


seven deadly sins.

Thanks, Juhee!

seven great things.
1. my hair. i love my hair.
2. my 'style'. i don't really have one, but i'm always comfortable, and i look good! sort of.
3. i can learn almost any song on the piano in less than an hour.
4. i like to think i sing pretty well.
5. my legs are tiny.
6. my eyes are lovely. green, blue, or grey. and they change! all the time!
7. my teeth are 99% perfect!!

seven things you lack and covet.
1. i wish i was shorter. lol.
2. brown hair. like my natural color. haha! :)
3. green eyes. - ALWAYS green eyes.
4. nice handwriting.
5. being able to say what i want to.
6. athletic ability.
7. smaller boobs. :(

seven things that make you angry.
1. when people don't flush the damn toilet! seriously!
2. waiting for text messages.
3. braces.
4. dramatic girls.
5. cars with little or no heat.
6. my insulin pump.
7. stupid movies. (read: Easy A, The Dilemma, Date Night)

seven things you neglect to do.
1. laundry.
2. get my oil changed.
3. shave my legs.
4. paint my finger/toenails.
5. get rid of clothes/purses/shoes that i have no use for. (seriously girls.. wanna purse? call me up.)
6. save money.
7. write missionary letters.

seven worldly material desires.
1. laptop.
2. iphone 4g.
3. new car. (read: and/or automatic car starter!)
4. a diamond ring. ;)
5. unlimited, free flights to anywhere in the world (all inclusive, please).
6. cheaper tuition.
7. new wardrobe.

seven guilty pleasures.
1. chocolate.
2. Five Guys.
3. Jersey Shore.
4. swimming / hot tubbing.
5. homemade chocolate chip oatmeal cookies. mm mm mm.
6. Facebook.
7. Skypeing my best friends.

seven things you love about love.
1. 'good night' and 'good morning' texts every day.
2. silly stories about 'before'.
3. cuddling.
4. stealing his clothes.
5. tickle wars.
6. date nights.
7. his freshly shaved face. or the next day stubble. :)


shocking news.

little tidbits of information for everyone :

i had a good weekend.
on thursday, me and carter went out to eat and mini golfing. love.
on friday, me and carter and nathan watched ufc. puke. but fun!
on saturday, me and carter went to see ''the dilemma'' (disappointing) and to red dog diner and swimming, and then we watched ''the town'' and made smoothies.
it was fantastic. :)
today, we went to church.. and then we're going to some dinner or something and it's gonna be a good time. haha.

i'm eating real food again.
i had a hot dog and subway yesterday. and it was amazing.

i applied to SAIT. i also might apply to NAIT.

i got a credit card? (prepaid, but still!)


here it is.

friday night.

we meet again.



Keep It Simple, Stupid!

Ten things i would say to different people

I'm sorry I disappointed you. I'll try harder next time.
Don't leave me. Ever. Please.
Uh... Hi? Yeah, I still exist, and yeah, I'd kind of like to be friends again. Thanks.
Thank you for your incredible parenting skills!
I'm sorry I've taken you for granted for so long. I'm trying to be more grateful.
You were such an incredible man. I can't wait to meet you.
Let's be friends. Best friends.
Put away the wand.
I have still so much to learn. Teach me?
Happy birthday!!

Nine things about myself

I am the only girl, with 4 brothers.
I am diabetic, and have been so for almost 3 years.
I love music more than myself. Which, by the way, is a lot. 
I'm incredible selfish.
I have the most incredible boyfriend ever.
I love bright colors.
I love my parents a LOT. But I don't tell them that nearly enough.
I hate my job sometimes.
I recently lost all my wisdom to a terrible surgery. :( Ouch.

Eight ways to win my heart

Text me good morning, and good night.
Take me out on dates - movies, golfing, swimming, sledding.. Anything.
Don't be ashamed of me. Hold my hand in front of your friends, family, and complete strangers.
Sing to me.
Take care of me when I'm sick. And let me take care of you.
Hold me when I'm sad, and when I'm happy, and when I'm angry.
Bear your testimony to me.
Tell me how you feel, and what you're thinking. No secrets.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot

The future.
Being cold.

Six things i do before i fall asleep

Brush my teeth.
Put my elastics on my teeth.
Plug in my phone.
Set my alarm clock.
Take my tshirt off (I sleep in my tank top).

Five people who mean a lot to me

Mom & Dad.
All 4 brothers.
Best friends : Jessica, Viktoria, David.
Other best friends : Adrian, Marshall, Ethan, Myriam.

Four things i'm wearing right now

Lululemon pants.
No Boundaries tank top.
Carter's Eddie Bauer sweater.
La Senza underwear.

Three songs i listen to often

"Why Wait?" - Rascal Flatts
"Love" - Matt White
"You Always Make Me Smile" - Kyle Andrews

Two things i want to do before i die

Climb all the stairs of the Eiffel Tower.
Roadtrip all the way across Canada - west to east - then all the way across the USA - east to west.

One confession

I'm not as brave as I pretend I am. I'm not as ready as I'm making everyone think I am.
Confession? : I'm terrified.


a lack of wisdom.

it's been almost 80 hours since my wisdom was so rudely extracted from my skull.
do i regret it?
right now, the answer is yes.
i do not recall ever being in so much pain. ever.
but i know that in a couple of days - hopefully only 1 or 2 days, actually - i'll be glad i got it over with.

over the last 4 days, i've found a lot of things that i would usually take for granted.

first - cold packs. consequently, the freezer. and cold drinks. milkshakes, slurpees, booster juice, ice water.
second - instant jello, applesauce, pudding. i even had some chicken noodle soup last night. it was real good. but especially jello. oh, how i love jello.
third - ibuprofen, tylenol 3, and novamoxin. especially ibuprofen. it's a painkiller and sleeping pill all in one.
fourth - my bed. and the couch upstairs. i have been sleeping for probably 90% of the last 80 hours.
fifth - tampons. it's true.

my family has been taking such good care of me. adrian and ethan brought me a slurpee last night, which was also greatly appreciated. jessica and viktoria have both skyped me, and we had some nice chats. and of course, carter. he's been gone since friday night, but he'll be home in a couple hours, and i can not even wait.. ugh. typing all this out has made me exhausted again.

i'm going to curl up with my pillows, and an icepack, and She's The Man, and sleep sleep sleep.

good night.


my apologies

i've noticed that my last couple posts have been incredibly boring, and probably of no interest to anyone who is reading them.. but i just thought i'd let y'all know that i'm mostly writing this blog as a not so personal journal. it's a record of my life. because i SUCK at writing in journals. so i write letters to people - carter, my parents, myself, david - and i blog. this way, when i have children (weird) and they want to know what my life is like.. i can show them this blog, and some letters i've written, and they can see in to my life and what was going on. so if you don't like what you're reading.. suck eggs. :)

pain... pt.2

its a good thing i have carter and my mommy to take such fantastic care of me :)


pain. painpainpain.

okay, so once upon a time i had to get my wisdom teeth out.
this time was today.
this morning, actually.
we had to be at the clinic (dr. rollingson) at 7:30am.
we went in, i sat down in the chair, and the woman put the blood pressure cuff on. a few minutes later, dr. r came in and gave an injection of...... question mark. i have no idea what it was. but seriously after a minute my brain went blank. i do not remember anything. actually, i remember asking my mom to take my boots off - but i couldn't talk, cause i think i had a bite block in? and i remember someone saying, "that's one."
when he took the little iv thing in, i sat up, and i was in a daze for sure. my mom disappeared, the nurse took the blood pressure cuff off, put my boots on, then my mom came back in and her and the nurse (sheila) helped me in to my coat, then they seriously had to support all my weight back out to the jeep. i was so dizzy. the next thing i remember was walking in to the house. i think we got home around 11? and i slept until carter got here at like 12:30. i've been dozing on and off since then, but i'm in too much pain to sleep. every couple hours i have to take a t3 and an antibiotic, and then an ibuprofen and an antibiotic. i can't brush my teeth, or chew, or suck out of a straw. and i'm really nauseous. ow. :(

good news? my tongue is too short to reach the stitches lol. so i can't feel them at all.

and more bad news? my back is killing me. KILLING me.

if anyone is feeling pity toward me, feel free to bring me a milkshake - strawberry is preferred, a slurpee - orange!, or a smoothie - i like banana and strawberry and chocolate. all in the same milkshake. booster juice would be good too. hmm. yup. sometimes i like stuffed animals. and 'get well' cards always make me feel better. or, i think they do.. i've never actually had one!

waaaaaaa. :( poor me!



i hate parking meters..

i hate yellow lights..

i hate police cars - they scare me! even when they're just parked somewhere! i almost always panic, and check to make sure i'm not doing anything illegal.

i hate icey roads.

i haaaaaaaaaaaaaate traffic.

and rush hour.


hips don't lie..

i seriously just love carter lol. we have so much fun. but we're so dumb at the same time..


yesterday, he called me a prized unicorn.

and i called myself the iron woman.

he gave me a backwards ride on his shoulders.

and i took a nap while he watched the world juniors with my dad.

you are the best thing that's ever been mine.


easier said than done../

This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes; it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them - are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.


"I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

I know there's a blue horizon,
Somewhere up ahead, just waiting for me,
Getting there means leaving things behind,
Sometimes life's so bitter sweet." - Carrie Underwood

&&;;Eventually, you have to [L][E][A][R][N] to make the b.e.s.t. of a //bad situation, and to
-forgive- the people who (hurt) you.

January 2, 2011.. The day I was abandoned. Twice.



I am here to welcome you with open arms.

Don't get me wrong - there was nothing wrong with 2010. It was an amazing year. So many awesome things happened. Like..

In January - I met the most amazing friend. :) I also went on my first roadtrip, with Marshall and David and Adrian, to see my best friend, Viktoria.

Best friends. :)

In February - A new semester, few challenges.. Also me and that new, most amazing friend.. We actually became friends. We started hanging out all the time! 

In March - I said goodbye to an old friend; to a best friend. Elder David left on his mission to Atlanta, Georgia. This was the most difficult thing I had to do in 2010. I felt like I had been abandoned - Jessica was back at WSU, and Viktoria was at home in St. Albert. I had no one to turn to.. Except my new, amazing friend. He was there for me whenever I turned around.

Elder Paxman.

April - Me and my dear mother ventured back to Hawaii! :)

Mom, the pineapple.
Nicole, the pineapple.

May - Graduation, Part 1. This included the fashion show, and banquet, the party, and after party. Show Choir trip to Yellowstone National Park.

Best friends, again.

June - Graduation, Part 2. This included the Grand March, and waiting for diplomas. I graduated. No big deal. :) Also in June was my amazing friend's 17th birthday, for which we celebrated hardcorely. AND ALSO! Was when me and my amazing friend finally started dating. (I'd been waiting for him since like.. March. What a poop.)

Best friends.

July - Canada Day, iPhone, roadtrip to Utah with Jessica dearest to see Kaiti.. :) We also had a party for Marshall and Breanne, cause they moved to Calgary. Also, Thunder In The Valley. :)

Canada Day - Nicole and Kalia.

Typical fat kids.

We hiked. A lot. It was hot.


August - I turned 18! Me and Carter and my mama went to the Michael Buble concert in Calgary! :) I also got a job!

Birthday time!

Best friends. He's my love haha. :) <3
Work! Me and Madi!

September - Work, work, work.

October - Work, work, work. I dyed my hair blonde. Carter got into the army.

November - Work, work, work. 

(I'm sure other things happened.. But I just can't think of anything exciting..)

December - Christmas! (See previous posts for Christmas!)

I'm excited to see what amazing adventures a new year can bring me! :) Although, I am starting the new year with oral surgery.. (Watch for a new post..) and Carter is going to be super busy.. And Jessica and Viktoria are both gone.. I'm going to go into it with a bright new perspective, and hope for the best!!

Resolutions : 
Drink no pop for AT LEAST 6 months! 
Become a better LDS.
Learn to say thank you, and I love you.