it's been rough.

so, i know a bunch of my posts in the last week or so have been pretty sad. but i've been pretty sad!

last night, i was super super sad. like so sad that i was awake until 2 in the morning legitimately bawling my eyes out. carter was trying his best to comfort me - he's the best - and i had talked to my mom for over half an hour on the phone.. but it's not the same. i wanted my family home. and i wanted it now. finally, it was like a brick hit me.

i needed to pray. i needed the ultimate comforter to be there with me. so that's what i did. i went and sat in my room and prayed that i would be comforted and not so lonely. then it came to me. a scripture i had had on my mirror for a long time, but forgotten about.

"i will not leave you comfortless; i will come to you." - john 14:18.

i went back to carter and i was fine. he was kind of surprised to see how well i had recovered, but i told him not to worry about it. so he went home, i went to sleep, and everything has been fine since then.

i'm so grateful for a heavenly father who understands our wants and our needs, and is willing to help us at any time.

now, family.. please come home.

absolutely lonely.

i hate being home alone.

i absolutely hate it.

sure, i love having the house to myself, and being able to watch whatever i want on tv, and not having to worry about using up all the hot water or playing my music too loud.

but i hate being scared at night.

i hate having to make my own meals.

i hate when carter is having dinner with his family and i'm.. not.

i hate how quiet it is.

i don't do "lonely" very well. it eats me up. it freaks me out. 

[via]

purely not inspired.

a new post is not coming to me. i want it to. i want to make you laugh, or cry, or feel bad for me, or think i deserved whatever happened. but i've tried typing out the story quite a few times. it's just not coming. so i'll try again.

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do you have friends that you've known forever, but you don't really know them? i mean, you know their names and their families, but you don't know their favorite food? or their biggest pet peeves?

i do.

it's these boys right in this picture here.

i started hanging out with adrian (center) in grade 8. he was best friends with marshall (right), so naturally, i hung out with him too. and then eventually ethan (left) came into the picture. so since i was 13, these 3 boys and i have been inseparable. we always had the same schedule in school - we might have planned it out that way - and we hung out every weekend. 

now, as teenage boys, they have their downfalls. they play far too many video games, think they're good at things they're not (*ahem*parkour*ahem*), eat weird food, tell stupid jokes, and pull stupider pranks.

and as their only female friend (not really, but their oldest female friend), i fall victim to these pranks 10 times out of 10.

this has been anything from writing on my car windows with a bar of soap, to egging my car, to putting rotten eggs in my car, to filling all my vents with confetti, to covering my car in shaving cream and condoms, to putting rotting old lazyboys on my car. and believe me, i do not take to these pranks kindly. you're probably laughing, thinking of all the great things you could do to people's cars with these kind of ideas. but i will assure you, they are not fun to be on the receiving end of. 

lessons i've learned?

1. if your car - or house - gets egged, do not wait to clean it off. if you wait, they will cook, and be 12 times harder to get off. to get them off, the easiest thing to do is one of the following.

               a) mr. clean magic eraser.

               b) subway degreaser. now, depending on your local subway, they might not be so willing to just give it to you. but it doesn't hurt to ask, and explain the situation.

2. the people who own carwashes do not appreciate if you leave the condoms from your car - unused, sickos! - on the floor of their garage. i suggest you pick them up, as nasty as it may be, and throw them out.

3. sometimes, the rotting lazyboys aren't really that rotting. in fact, i have one of those 'rotting' chairs downstairs in my bedroom!

4. there is nothing you can do if there is confetti in your vents. you can turn on the AC as high as it will go and see if you can get it to all blow out, or you can get a shopvac and try to suck it all out.. but it takes months to get ALL of it out.

now my story takes a random turn.

saturday was my first day of work. and i worked late. :( from 5pm until 12am. then i had to drive home. so i got to christine's house (party rockin' in the house tonighht!!) around 1230. we went downstairs so marshall, adrian, ethan, kelsey, and kaitlyn could leave, then me and carter and christine and keith hung out in the kitchen for a bit. when we left her house - at 1 - my car was covered in toothpaste and soap. it's easy enough to imagine that i was not impressed at all. at all. i was so tired and cranky from work, and i had church at 9 in the morning, but here was my car. covered in CRAP. i kind of snapped at carter, i texted some strongly worded messages to those 3 boys, and i drove home and cried. i cried because i was tired. i cried because i was upset. i cried because i thought the boys had grown up, and so i was disappointed. carter came over - what a great boyfriend - and just let me cry to him for a while, then he went home to bed. sunday morning i woke up and walked to church, because i was ashamed of what people would think of my sick car, and i did not have a very good attitude towards anything that i heard that day. when i got home from church, i had a looooooooooong bath, then tackled my car. 

lesson #5.

toothpaste does not easily come off windows. or windshield wipers. after about $11 and an hour at the carwash, the majority of it comes off though.

lesson #6.

if the boys bring you a brownie that they baked themselves, complete with heart shaped strawberries.. it's okay to forgive them and not be mad anymore. as long as they promise that they're not going to prank it again. ever. 

weird, right?

okay... so last night i you gotta see this for yourself.

this is real life. at sometime during the 8 hours of sleep i got.. i seem to have semi woken up, switched my whole bed around.. the demon sun came up and ruined my life.. and.. yeah..

suck.

oh, hey blog world.

it's just nicole, coming at you with another story of my family being amazing.

my car is a pain in my butt.

don't get me wrong. i love it. i love independence and being able to go where i want when i want.

but i HATE the upkeep.

i hate filling it up with gas.

and starting right now...

i hate flat tires.

i just had my first one ever. and of course, it was when i was in a huge rush to get to lethbridge to put my knife orders in.

luckily for me, curtis and grampa and jen and dianne love me, so they saved me from eternal torment.

curtis and grampa changed my tire while jen and dianne drove me into lethbridge.

however, now i need 2 new tires.

suck.

do you ever feel like the world is crashing down around you?

but then, that might be an over-exaggeration.

or is it?

right now?

i don't think it is.

i think that my world, and everything i thought i knew about my little piece of the world, is crashing.

it's all falling down. to pieces.

there are so many things to consider.

so many people to think about.

so many decisions to make.

who do i need to make happy?

what tops my list of priorities?

if i make a choice, it hurts people.

if i make the other choice, it hurts people.

someone is going to be left behind.

but how

do you choose

between the people

who mean the most to you?

can you choose?

why should you have to?

Day 20 - A song you listen to when you're angry

I Need A Hero - Bonnie Raitt

this cover is by Shrek 2!

i stole this!

10. Favorite places to be:

Waikiki Beach, Honolulu, Hawaii, USA

Carter's house.

My bedroom.

In Carter's car.

Henderson Lake Park.

On an airplane to anywhere.

Laying on lush green grass in the sunshine. 

Swimming pools. With Carter. Obvs.

Ice skating.

David's house.

9. Weird things about me:

I despise shaving. Sometimes - more often than not - I just don't.

I love Harry Potter. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

One of the most relaxing things for me to do is get my eyebrows waxed.

I have a 'thing' for gingers. Not like I'd want to date one. But I just love red hair.

I love the smell of campfire. 

I check the mailbox at least once a week for mail for me!

I don't save money. It's a disease.

I crave normalcy. Unfortunately, it's something I'll continue striving for. Not gonna happen.

If I could eliminate one thing from the planet.. It would be diabetes.

8. Things I am going to do this summer:

Get a job.

Legit, save money.

Get a sweet freaking tan.

Move out!

[Maybe] buy a new car.

Get in a hot shape!

NOT dye my hair.

Plan out the next year of my life.

7. Things I am thinking of:

Draco Malfoy.

Popcorn.

My sore back.

The Sacrament, and how amazing the Gospel really is.

Carter Mitchell Peterson. Always.

Lip chap. Where would we be without it?

Facebook.

6. Things I am always wearing:

Brasier.

Underwear.

Pants/shorts.

Shirt.

Insulin pump. We wouldn't want Nicole to die now, would we?
Homemade bracelets.

5.  Things I am worried about:

My best friend's family.
Decisions that affect not only me, but my immediate family, my future family, and my extended family.
Money.
Finding a job.
Not being able to sleep.

4. Things on my floor:

Clothes. Clean, dirty, folded, rumpled..
Letters. Speaking of which, David is waiting for a letter from moi..
My brush.
A glass full of water.

3. Things I want to do today:

Laundry.
Take a nap in the sun.
Watch Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets with my darling boyfriend.

2. Things I will reveal:

I'm scared. Of the present, of the future, of the past. Of things that are happening, things that will happen, things that have happened.
I'm also very excited. For the future. For life to start happening.

1. Secret:

There is no one more important to me than my future children.

Day 18 - A song you wish you heard on the radio

Cyclone - Baby Bash

Hump Day!!

It's been a long week.

Good thing it's half over!!

Day 4 - A song that makes you sad
Come Home Soon - SHeDAISY
[If you don't get it, read
this post
and figure it out.]

slaaaack.

i feel like nothing noteworthy has happened since sunday.

how about..

yesterday, i found out that a lot of people are disappointed in me.

but a lot of people aren't.

today, i found out that 5 year olds are terrified of lots of things.

and 2 year olds are fearless.

i also got a job interview at *** ********** ****.

it's a secret until monday, when i find out if i actually get the job or not.


but i'm dang well excited.

oh, also starting monday.. a new diet/exercise regimen.

that is better than my current one.

oh. wait. what current one?

so make sure you comment next week and ask me how it's going.

i gotta have someone to please! :)

Day 3 - A song that makes you happy.

Perfect - P¡nk

don't worry bout it.

mm, yeah..

i wasn't really looking forward to this weekend anyway.

i really was hoping to be home alone by 9.

thanks for letting that happen.

oh, and next week?

i didn't really want you there anyway.

nah, i can handle it all by myself.

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sometimes employment, no matter how good it may seem, has some serious downfalls. :(

#201..

[Ps.. Yes, this is post number #201. Excitinggggg!]


Look at me.

Yup. I got 3 inches cut off my hair today. :(

in this country..

never underestimated the value of a good pair of windshield wipers.

do not put away "winter" clothes, ever. you never know when you might need your winter boots.

gasoline prices will always be higher than the average persons IQ.

if the sun is shining, go outside.

slurpees are 100% okay in all weather.

deer, geese, foxes, coyotes, and moose are not "wildlife". they are a driving hazard.

spring = plowing and planting; fall = harvest; both = dust. dust. and more dust. windows should be closed.

sunny weather means its a drought. rainy weather means its a flood. either way, farmers are cranky.

don't bother doing your hair. it'll probably be windy. or snowing. or raining. or both. or all three.

yeah, thanks a lot.

i think my subconscious mind is angry with me.

there i was, sitting on the beach in hawaii, watching some university students wakeboard down a crevice in the rock face. kimber was on one side of me, dustin and sydnee on the other. carter was off buying refreshments. the sun was beaming down, sharing it's perfect warmth with everyone in sight. it was gorgeous. i could feel my skin crisping, and my brow was moist with sweat. i really wanted to go jump in the ocean to cool off, but i enjoyed the heat too much. then i saw carter meandering back to us, bottles of ice water in his hands. i watched him approach us, hand out the bottles, then he brought one over to me. he was unscrewing the lid, and i expected him to give it to me so i could quench my thirst. but no. he dumped the water over my head, dousing me in a frozen cascade of otherwise perfectly good drinking water. then the sun disappeared. the world became dark, and cold. when i opened my eyes again, i wasn't on a tropical beach paradise, but in my bedroom. outside my window was not palm trees and blue sky, but snow, snow, and more snow. so here i am, having ''hawaiian withdrawals''. this calls for a photo post. ya think? i think.

The end of a fabulous first day in Hawaii.

Laie Temple.

PCC. Mm, I love me some Polynesian men.

BEACH!

Me & Roxanne bought some new dresses.

Just relaxing.

Me mommy as a pineapple.

Me also as a pineapple!

Isn't this gorgeous? We drove around the East side of the island and found the most beautiful sites EVER. Ahh.

to dream, or not to dream.

My heart broke - for someone else - this morning. I know a dream is only a dream, but when it becomes difficult to discern between a dream and reality.. That's when the dream hurts. That's when you fear sleep, and when 'real life' feels like a waking nightmare. I only hope I can help disperse any remaining feelings of doubt and betrayal.

hey..

it's snowing right now.

and i am PISSED.

that is all.

like a puzzle.

That's how I feel today. Like a puzzle. I feel like I'm trying to piece my life together, but there is something missing. Or a piece of the puzzle is turned the wrong way. It's just not falling together like I thought (hoped?) it would. It's incredibly infuriating. In fact, I was up WAY too late last night, arguing my argument, defending my defenses, point out my points.. To no avail. If anything, the pieces are just becoming more topsy turvied and confused. I guess I always imagined that when I found something that was right for me, that I wanted for the rest of my life, that it would just work out. Simple as that. That the pieces would all fit perfectly, and that communicating what I wanted would be easy, without any disagreement. Reality is a harsh place, isn't it?

Annie, Get Your Gun!

I'm so confused. I really still don't understand anything that goes on in this play. I'm sure if I sat down and watched it I'd be fine.. But as it is, I am actually in it (whaaaaat?! haha jokes) so I just suffer in silence. Please, come see it, and explain it to me. kthanks.


My retainers are annoying. I can't sing with them in, so I don't wear them to rehearsal. But apparently my teeth move a lot at rehearsal, so they hurt to put back in!


Sydnee and Jessica are both here this week! :) So fun!


I have a bad feeling that the shower in my bathroom is.. Unsanitary. The water kind of stinks. However, it could just be my imagination. I need to ask my mom to check it out tomorrow.


Hummmdedummm...

carter died.

jokes.

but i can't find him!!

also, i just locked my keys in my car. for the first time EVER.  I'm terribly embarrassed.

and the weather was beautiful today.

actually, it's still rather beautiful. :)

i think that spring has sprung!

(this calls for a change of background..)

I am so confused!

So I called NAIT today to find out what's what with my application. And I found out that all I have to do to complete it is take a silly typing speed test! So I did.. And here is my result.

K, so what if I type 105 WPM? It's really not a big deal. I had 7 errors! :( Boo hoo. Anyways, now I don't know what to do with this! The woman on the phone said to email it to someone.. Or fax it.. But the only way I could even download it was to take a picture of my desktop (as seen above..) and I don't know if they'll take that as trustworthy or not! So I gotta call NAIT again in the morning and see if they can direct me to the right place..

*Ps! Take the test and let me know what your WPM is! :)

Winter Blues.

I am so sick of being cold.

I am so sick of colds!

I miss the sunshine so much!

I miss Hawaii so much!

I want one of these puppies.

I also wouldn't mind one of these.

I love this ring and this dress [okay, well I actually love like 12 of the dresses on this site..].

I can't get enough of this song.

I miss Jessica and David.

I like... mono? ;) [bahaha]