outings, peanut butter cookies, and tears.

Taylor and I had our first outing to the mall. And for a two year old and an unexperienced temporary mother, I think we did relatively good!

Madi  has decided that I make dang good cookies! Good thing, too. I almost beat her. :P

I kinda feel bad that I let Taylor cry herself to sleep.. But she needs a nap, and me going in there to comfort her is not going to help her fall asleep!!

Turns out I only work today and tomorrow. Yes, this means my long weekend is actually Thursday-Monday. Jealous? Yeh, you should be! :)

On a more serious note, my mom's cousin Brian Atwood died today. :( He has a son that's a couple years younger than me, and another son that's like Justin's age. He's been through a lot though.. He didn't take care of his diabetes when he was younger (oops..) so earlier this year he had his foot amputated because there was no circulation in it. Sunday morning he had a heart attack, and he had been in a coma since then. This morning the doctors pronounced him brain dead, so his family pulled the plug. However, death is always a terrible thing. I don't know if I can bear going to the funeral, especially knowing that I'm on the same path he was when he was my age. Look how that worked out! I know I need to take better care of myself.. And maybe I can use Brian as my inspiration and motivation. Hopefully. My prayers go out to his family, especially Dallan, who I've come to be pretty close with.


' is for fun! '

sometimes i like when school starts.. and i don't have to go.

always i like hanging out with carter.. and nathan. :)

sometimes i like eating sloppy joes.. and watching a movie.

always i like triple dates.. with erica/ethan and mike/holly. even if we do just watching 'kingdom of heaven' and have to leave before it's even half over because it's way too late to function (even though it's only 10..)


you and i would be a tough act to follow.

- potato salad and bbq sauce.

- macaroni salad and bbq sauce.
- banana cheerios.
- french toast.
- crepes.
- cold chili.
- cold alphagettis.
- falling asleep behind the wheel.
- quilts draped over the whole front seat of the car.
- fighting over radio stations (100.1? opera! yes!)
- walking around henderson.
- watching fireworks at henderson.
- watching fireworks at thunder in the valley.
- being stuck in blairmore for 2 hours after thunder in the valley.
- blanket forts.
- suffocating.

- supercycles.
- watermelon!
- cheesecake. :)
- monsters.
- watching lightning at henderson.
- angry birds.
- friends.
- arrested development.
- chuck.
- the ultimate cake off.
- "love" notes.
- wendy's.
- tents.
- your pillow. 
- baseball.
- golf.
- new phones.
- michael buble.
- c-train.
- peanut butter cookies.
- salt (the movie, not the mineral!)
- small ears.
- huge hands.
- yellow.
- yankees.
- beach boys.
- water.
- driving.
- calgary.
- using my phone as a spy tool?
- 7-11 wedgies.
- booster juice.
- subway.
- olives. :(
- despicable me. (i said a dart gun!)
- 3d glasses.
- grad all nighter.
- cat naps.
- middle names.
- pictures of hitler.
- new cars.
- pictures.
- squire snatching phones.
- babysitting
- you taking 1203987 pictures of nothing.
- falling asleep during movies.
- mini golf.
- black lights.
- white shirts in the black lights.
- falling in the pool at mini golf.
- riding the bug at the park.
- going to the park.
- dancing at the park.
- finding decent grass at the park.
- singing.
- writing letters.
- conference
- broken windows
- building forts out of sticks and balls
- making kraft dinner
- movies on the laptop
- reverently holding hands
- abusive relationships
- dr. phil
- boney knees
- boney elbows
- sore backs
- back rubs
- matching shorts
- blonde hair
- your sisters :)
- my girls
- snow
- fitted sheets
- the life of a soldier
- the town
- harry potter 7. :)
- cheesecake and banana splits
- always knowing someone in walmart
- your dad
- cleaning
- songs that make me think of you
- 'did you learn that in army?'
- your mom.
- favors.
- stupid arguments
- winning.
- losing.
- questions and answers.
- mysteries.
- reading.
- glasses.
- diet dr. pepper
- christmas presents.
- the globe.
- weekends off.
- great falls.
- blackberrys.
- facebook.
[last updated - december 4, 2010]

Here's to the good times, here's to the bad times. Here's to the best of times, here's to the worst of times. Here's to the past, and here's to the future. Here's to my best friend. :)

>>photo credit to www.photo.net

there comes a moment.

"This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them.[...] As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babe, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them - are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."
Marilyn Monroe

Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.  
- Juno (2007)

Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.

Young Allie: So what?

Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.
- The Notebook (2004)


praise to the weekend.

whoever thought of weekends was a complete genius!

seriously, i can't even imagine not having a break!

i especially love that i get a 3 day weekend, occasionally 4 or 5 day weekends! :)

anyways, this weekend... well. where do i start?

after my terrible afternoon on friday.. i cleaned my room, which means i

- vacuumed up all the confetti that kimber trashed my room with. (see picture below.)

- cleaned my bathroom, which is a feat in itself..
- and did 6 loads of laundry. yes. 6. SIX! i don't even know what i've been wearing in the last 2 weeks, since i've had NO clean clothes! but it's okay, 'cause now my closet is PACKED full of clothes.

**in the process of putting my laundry away i realized that i have seriously like 9 pairs of jeans. of those 9 pairs.. there are 2 that fit me. see, i have zero buttocks, which is a result of me sucking at diabetes this spring. so i decided i'm going to attempt to make a jean blanket! i'm kind of excited, cause i LOVE jean blankets! with some nice flannel on the back.. yeah. yay me! :) 

anyways, so after i cleaned my room i went to lethbridge with carter and kyle (carter's friend from stirling) because kyle wanted to go to the dance. turns out i feel super old when i go to the youth dances, and carter hates dances.. so we just chilled. haha. we're so lame. we even were home at midnight. hahah. we suck.

this morning i was rudely awoken - just kidding - by my mother, because we had to go to lethbridge to get my stupid car. so i got home around 1130, showered, put the remainder of my clothes away, and started cutting up my jeans. :)

THENNNN i got my hair cut. :) haircuts are a huge deal for me, cause i just like having my hair long! (even though it's not even long!) i ended up wimping out and not cutting any length off. just got my bangs cut a bit, and the rest of it thinned out, cause turns out i have a ton of hair.

later i think i'm going to the Raymond Comets football game.. even though i've graduated.. does that make me a loser? i don't think so, since all my friends are still in high school (well. if i had friends..) and my boyfriend is filming it. so then i can at least go home with him or something! i don't know. gurr..

you know, my blog is SO gay. all i do is talk about my life. no one cares! hahah. oh well. i'm so over it. if you're reading it you obviously enjoy something about it. good.

oh. and if anyone has any jeans they want to get rid of... lemme know! they'll make a great addition to my blanket!!


high expectations?

I have got to lower my expectations for life.

Case and point:

Last night I went to Whoop-Up Days Midnight Madness, so I didn't get home until like 1am. Obviously, this morning I was pretty tired. Waking up was not an easy feat. In fact, I didn't wake up until 7. If you read my last post, that's when I'm supposed to be leaving my house so I can make it to McLaren's by 7:30. By some freaking miracle, I pulled in their driveway at 7:28. I was super impressed with myself. And no, I did not speed. The girls were mostly really good today. I had to gently tell Madi that when I tell her to do something she has to do it. I kind of felt like I was underminding her mom, but then I realized that if Val isn't there I'm the one that's in charge, and she needs to listen to me. So after that little episode it was fine. Anyways, I was so looking forward to today all week, because I knew that the family was going camping, which means I get off like 2 or 3 hours early. And to make it even better, when I got there Val told me she was going to pay me. Score! All day I anticipated the glorious moment when Val would arrive home. Then it came. YAY! So I quickly drove to the ATB branch on Mayor Magrath to cash my cheque, because I knew that the Raymond branch would be closed by the time I got there. And what? She can't cash it? Because I'm ''too young'' and they are suspicious funds. ($650 for child care. Who cares! Oh, she does!) So she puts it in my account and says.. "They're going to hold it for 5 business days," which would put my estimated funds arrival at Friday. Oh, yeah. In a week. GAY! "But if you call your home branch, they might be able to take the hold off." I HATE BANKS! They couldn't release the hold. :( Whatever. So that was my downer #1. Then my mom calls and tells me my car is ready, cause we had it towed to VW yesterday. So I was thrilled. Then she told me what was wrong with it. "You need a new key." WHAT?! My car was parked for 2 weeks because I needed a new KEY!? I got over it. Then I called my dad. He says.. "There's a really long list of things wrong with the car. I think we're just going to sell it."

So now I have no money, still no car, and we might be selling the car that I do have! :( Some Friday!

Sidenote. I realized today that I really miss the presence of the Paxman family in my life! I used to hang out with David all times, and I saw Jolene every Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday even after David left. Since I stopped going to YW and I'm done with Show Choir.. Well, I never see her! I see Cam once in a while, and Cody came to my house the other day.. But I just miss them!! :(


welcome to my life.

so i know i've mentioned val, madi, and taylor a few times.. but i just thought i'd do a formal introduction.
fellow bloggers, meet 'my girls' - madi and taylor mclaren.

madison may is 5.
taylor raine is 2.
and they are both hilarious.
and adorable.
we always have a great time!!
i wish i'd taken more pictures of them, but from now on i'll always have my camera on me!!
(they both love carter, too. haha. no big deal.)
today, we did chin faces. hahaha. it was AWESOME.
I'm in the process of developing a schedule with the girls, but it'll probably change next week when Madi starts school. As of right now, though.. I leave my house at about 6:50am, which is a real pain in the caboose for me, since I hate mornings more than anything. Even more than I hate my dogs! Which, if you know me, is a lot. Anyways, I get to their house at like 7:20am, which is great. Haha. Usually Madi and Taylor are both still sleeping, but it depends on the day. Today, for example, Taylor slept till 8:30, and Madi slept till almost 9:30. It was awesome. But anyways, whenever they get up, we cuddle on the couch for a bit and watch some Barney, sometimes Dora, maybe a little bit of Toopie and Binoo. I hate those shows. Kidding, I secretly love them!! :P Madi is in swimming lessons from 10:30 - 11, so we try to leave the house by about 10:15, so she has time to get there and find her teacher. Me and Taylor go chill, eat some cookies, you know.. Have a great time watching Madi swim. She likes to wave. She probably waves like 123897 times in the half an hour she's in the water. Haha, what a sweetie. Yeah. So after swimming we go to their house, quick get changed, eat some lunch, then go on an adventure. Yesterday, we went to McDonald's and then to the Galt Gardens spray park with Heather and Jen and Dianne and my mom and Lisa and Carter.. And the girls freaking LOVED it!! Val said they talked about it all night. :) I felt special. Today we just went to Walmart and the Dollar Store. Then at about 2 I put Taylor down for a nap. It's super easy. All you do is fill her bottle up, give her the 'blankie', turn on her fan, shut off her light. And she's gone. Then it's time for one-on-one with Madi. We either watch a movie in her bed, or she puts on 'a show' for me. Really all this is is her interpretive dancing to Hannah Montana or something. Haha but it's really cute. Sometimes, like today, when I have a splitting headache, I put on a movie in her room, and we have quiet time. I think that's my favorite part of the whole day!! :) When Taylor wakes up and Madi is done her movie, we just hang out. Today we colored and did chin faces. Sometimes we go to the park. Then Val comes home and the girls - mainly Madi - cry 'cause I have to leave. :) Precious, really. I go home, hang out with Carter - if he's not working! - and then go to bed by like 10, cause if I'm up any later than that I have a really really really hard time getting up the next morning to start it all over. So yeah. That's my life for the next year.



Guess what!
Olive you.
Sincerely, me.

you're not.

You’re not the breath I breathe,
just the scent I enjoy.
You’re not the sights I see,
just the most beautiful of them.
You're not the water that I drink,
ust the flavor that makes it taste so good.
You're not the ground that I walk on,

just the person that I lean on.
You're not the blood in my veins,
just what makes it burn so sweetly.
You're not my life,

just the one I enjoy spending it with.

You're not my world,

just the best thing in it.


Family is like fudge..

Mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
Most of the time, if anyone asks me about my family - immediate or extended - I proudly tell them all about my crazy relatives. My brothers, my parents, my grandparents, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, my cousins' children.. We're all pretty insane.
However, this week I got to see the sweet side of my family. Remember how I mentioned Greta the Jetta wasn't running in my last post? Yeah, well we finally got her running like on Wednesday. So I cruised around town for a bit on Wednesday, gotter all filled up and looking pretty so I could drive her to work - on the northside of Lethbridge - Thursday morning. I was determined to make it to work on time, so I woke up at 6am, and left my house at about 6:45am. I got to McLaren's house at like 7:15, so I had lots of time to show Val my car and talk about how much I loved it, and we installed the carseats. Yay, right?
When Val got home Thursday night (about 4:30), the girls and Val came out to watch me drive away in my car for the first time. Insert key into ignition.. Turn the key.. Nothing. The key would turn over - which is something it hadn't been doing in the first place. That's what we had to fix - and the battery was turning on, cause the air conditioning and radio were coming on.. But the starter wouldn't.. well, start! Obviously, I was incredibly embarrassed. And I was exhausted, and apparently PMSing or something.. So I was really emotional. I started crying. Which even embarrassed me more. Val took the girls in the house, and I called my dad.
Now, as I haven't already mentioned, my family is gone. They left Thursday afternoon to go to Silverwood, which is in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho.. About a 9 hour drive from Raymond. What does my dad say? "Well, what do you want me to do about it?" I WANT TO GO HOME! THAT'S WHAT I WANT!! AND I WANT A CAR THAT RUNS!! But of course, what I said was.. "I don't know. Have a good weekend." Right before I hung up, mom took the phone from him, and told me to call Aunt Dianne and have her come pick me up. For those of you who don't know Aunt Dianne, she is the most generous member of my family - no offense to anyone else. She is so willing to give anything she can to anyone, family or not. So I called Dianne. She cancelled all her evening plans to come to Lethbridge and pick me up. :) Not gonna lie, I would have much rather called Carter, but he was working. Go figure.
In the meantime, I'm dying of embarrassment and bawling my eyes out, and walking to the northside Walmart. At first, I didn't really think it would take very long. 45 minutes later, I had changed my mind. That's a long effing walk!! As I'm walking, Dianne is calling around, trying to organize a rescue party for me and for my car. As far as I was concerned, my car could just go to hell. But anyways.. As it ended up, Heather, Kalia, and Annaliesse met me at Walmart, bought me a burger, and then we went to find Justin, because he couldn't seem to locate my car! As he was pulling out of the Safeway parking lot to follow us, we saw Dianne parked on the side of the road. Suddenly there was a convoy coming to my rescue.
So we pull up in front of McLaren's house, and I'm so relieved to see that all of the blinds are drawn, so they can't see what's going on out here. I'm skipping some details, out of lack of interest. Anyways, Heather and I get out of her van, Dianne and Gramma and James get out of their vehicle, Justin gets out of his truck, and Dianne gets a call from Grampa, who is also coming to the rescue. After a couple minutes of explaining the address and location of the vehicle in question, Grampa and Curtis pull up.
To make a long story shorter instead of longer, my car got loaded up in the trailer, the group of us went out for a 'celebratory dinner'? at McDonald's, then I went home with Gramma and Grampa. I was so looking forward to just getting ready for bed, but I remembered that I had to go finish my SFa course!! That was sort of a piss off. Anyways, I had a really long, emotional day. So much, in fact, that when I got home.. I went down in my room, splashed my face with cold water in an attempt to eliminate the blotchiness.. Then I noticed a piece of paper on my bed. Lo and behold, a letter from Elder Paxman. Oh, great. Waterworks. Again. I grabbed a couple dollars off my desk, drove down to Fas Gas, just so Carter could see that I really was ok - which I totally wasn't - and as soon as I left there, I had to pull off the road to cry some more.
The moral of our story?
When in doubt, call the family. Seriously. I'm so grateful to everyone that I mentioned in this post.. Haha. I'm grateful to Dianne for organizing everyone, and to Heather for picking me up, to Justin, for sacrificing his truck and trailer, and to Grampa and Curtis for joining in, just for fun. I'm grateful to my dad for buying me the P.o.S car, and to my mom for volunteering her van until I get my car fixed. I'm grateful to Carter for coming over and lifting my spirits considerably. And I'm grateful to Val for giving me this job! I absolutely adore Madi and Taylor. They're adorable. And entertaining. It's really frustrating sometimes, though.. It's definitely going to be a really interesting year! :)


life is a process.

I learned that : Kisses should not be taken for granted, so kiss that 'special someone' every chance you get.
I learned that : Sometimes just brushing your teeth isn't enough to hide bad breath. Sometimes you need a mint. Or gum. Or both. A combination of the three and you're definitely all set.
I learned that : Silence means more than words ever could.
I learned that : True friends are okay with not doing anything.
I learned that : I have the most incredible friends and family and boyfriend (although he's also considered a friend.. haha. Minor altercation. He gets his own category tonight though!) in the entire world. I envy every other 17 - almost 18 - year old girl on this planet because they aren't as lucky as I am.
I learned that : Marshall is a very brave soul. I'm gonna miss him - and his little girlfriend :P - a whole lot when they're gone. :(
I learned that : Me and Adrian are gonna be friends for a very long time. :)
I learned that : Honesty really is the best policy.
I learned that : It's okay to spend a hot August afternoon cooped up in your bedroom, because you'll feel really good when it's all clean and organized!
I learned that : I have a lot more to learn about myself and the world and people around me.